Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
