If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
