she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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