I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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