got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Text me some of your sweat
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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