if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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