is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
