Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
