I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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