True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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