Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize