I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize