nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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