Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
