Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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