Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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