Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
