I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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