now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
