i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
