I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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