I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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