yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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