I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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