What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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