What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
