so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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