Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
