i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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