The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
