Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize