I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
