mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got chris browned last night
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize