Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
