My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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