I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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