how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
