weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
