Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
