And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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