My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
