ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
