Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
