He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
FUCK WHALES
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