I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
