I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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