I wish I only lived at night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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