You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
