A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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