Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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