Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
