you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
