It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I booty called her while she was in labor.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
