well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
