AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
