ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
