i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
