Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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