mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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