Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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