According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish you could order shots online.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
