I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
