I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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