Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
dude. I can hear the air.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
