I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
