Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
